POETIC ARCHIVES

A blissful sleep I promise thee,
A long awaited cool respite.
A place where mountains touch the stars,
And jarring day submits to night.

I promise thee cool cleansing
In a place with meadows lush.
Where the sifting, sultry, ribbons of the stream beside it hush.
And above, the gentle crescent of the moon reveals her blush.

O, the timid deer do gather,
And the wolves beside the water,
And both they drink and not once think
Of any gruesome altar.

They lay again upon the grass
Within this gentle glade,
And dream the ages yet to pass,
And prayers yet to be prayed.

And all around, within the air,
The earth, the sea, the sky;
The ages and the sages and the strangers passing by;
The sun and every planet, and the galaxies so high;
They all lie down together in an
Emolliating sigh.

Toward a path unknown to me
Envisioned by my inner eye
I crave a nectar sweetened
By the dew of falling sky

It carries wings of eagles
And the thirsty tongues of fire
So why must it reject my pleas
To burn within the pyre?

If only in those straying stars
I'd find an opportunity
A chance to shed these mortal legs
And fly with all impunity

I'd realized the strangest thing
As winter submitted to spring
As the spattered flocks were flung from a harried painter's brush
Against a craggy April sky

As the gentle herds of mayapples
Nudged the nocturnal earth of the forest slopes and
Unfurled their wings

As I looked in meditation
At the leaves in incubation
And thought of the sacred, holy kings

I'd realized the strangest thing:
That time may pass without me
Yet steal my breath all the same

The seasons feel like tapestries
Our actions in the fore
I'd never thought a spring could feel so different than before
Yet here I am, a year behind, and all around a year ahead
They're living in a different world;
I'm limping along a grey coast towards the mount of the dead

Shallow pools revive me
Flames lick my tongue, hot and sweet
No master warned me of the loose rubble, steep grades
Whose danger nips my feet

I stumble tirelessly, exhausted, towards the summit, impossibly far
Between blinks and blurry eyes, I make it out: my lode star.

I am the sheep and the shepherd
I am the master and the hound
I am the hind who grazes on the heather
And the wolf that hunts her down

How can I trace my thoughts from start to end?
Temporal landscapes rising from each bend.
Insights ripe and sweet
Tumbling at my feet.

All of eternity on the head of a pin
Give me time and i'll wear it thin
I'll pace the halls of your grim home
I'll peer between the walls so thin
I'll find you in the floorboards
Worn by a thousand, thousand soles
Scuffed and scraped and beaten
'Till your heartwood's full of holes
But i'll pull you through the cracks that formed
Somewhere inside those awful nights
And fill your lungs with soothing air
And fill your heart with blood from mine.

You've got me running circles in my dreams
Toeing open little seams
That thread the line between
This waking, walking world of kings and queens
And the space between the pulsing of the night
Where I am found before the fire
My fingers sifting papers as my eyes begin to tire
And I lean against you for
A little while.
Just to catch my breath.

But then I sleep-- or is it wake?
Which of those is my sorrowful mistake?
I slept and woke a dozen times
Before the sun had risen
And yet again, before it set,
I found myself imprisoned
One moment in a blurry world, another
True and bright
I'm losing track of which i'm in
And which is from the night.

One foot in either world
Hands stamped on my possessions
I've caught glimpses of my mind
As it eavesdrops onto my heart's confessions

Why does it listen? What makes it care?
Am I brave or just a coward in despair?
What of those listless days walking in my tired body?
Writing with my tired hand
Waiting
With my heart, that oddity
That sought to be
A better me
A better fish, lost in the sea

But now and then it washes up
Battered on the broken turf
Gasping with its stagnant gills
Praying for that pounding surf

No man's land on billboards
I see it every day
I pass by all those dead souls
As I weary on my way

I'd sooner die than go that way
I've told you this before
I'm not so stable as to think
There's life beyond the war

I've carved my mind with creosote
There's ashes in my eyes
I've touched the burning embers
And felt beauty in disguise

I know the maelstrom of my mind
And never will I be
A soul more bright in searing light
Than in rapturous misery!

I'll bear your load far
I'll be your lode star
I'll guide you through this brawling storm
And when we're cast into turbulent swell
Torn and maimed in a watery hell
It won't be long before, my dear,
We're safe and warm at home my dear

I haven't yet seen
The hell of humanity
I know I'm naive
But I must keep my sanity

I'd give you every bit of earth
That's underneath my weary feet
For you i'd share each frond of shade
Amidst the searing desert heat

The blinking, glowing lights at night
That flicker 'cross the harbor
I'd gather with my finest net
To proclaim my boundless ardor

I'm wary of the summer sun
It's always on the going
It lingers long enough to shame you
For missing its warm glowing

I'd rather take the moon
In its frigid certainty
I know each night it slowly wheels
I know it's never meant to be

Our paths diverge
Our tether strains
This road is hard, my dear
Each night I see your face again
We whisper through the panes.

I'm feeling existential, dear
These cowards all around
Nauseated without you near
Must keep my low head down

Another mile piles on,
No little town in sight
Is this the way I was to go?
Guided by my lonesome light?

My eyes are cracked and burned with cold
I drift from room to room
Each day apart, I pray you grow
I pray to see you soon.

I hope you think of me, my love
There's so much hell between
These worlds I walk, surreal and sere
As if I dwelt in walking dream.

Walking dream, dreams i've walked,
Walking, stalking, through the dark
Walking for a hundred miles
Through the night that spectre barked

Some mistake
Give me a break
I know you know the costs I pay
Emotions always in the way
Nerves collapsing
Heart is tapping
Sleep with songs i've never heard
I'd die if you'd just say the word
Partly conscious
Hardly breathing
Often doubt if wake or dreaming
Never been awake as this
Despite my two worlds caving in

Seasons changing starts my heart,
No winter hearth prepared me
For the stunning shift of mind
From the inside to the out,
From anesthetizing numb of cold
To thawing frozen doubt.

Around the rock on which I rest,
Grass prickles, thickets thicken
Filled with nipping barbs.
Snagging jackets in the wood
(and I tore my jeans last year)
I'd go home if I only could,
But time has left me here.

Please don't fall
Fall apart on me
You know how much I hate the sea
Stranded on these splayed out roads
What keeps the clouds from folding in?
Buckling under inclemence.

I know you count your breaths at night
While the rest of us are dreaming
Wilting under city lights
Do you understand their meaning?

These pages nip my fingers
They've been cut a time or two
My inspiration withers
How's it to do with you?
Why is my mind so empty, so
Devoid of measured verse?
There is no scent of change there
When I rifle through my purse

I'll make a martyr of myself
If it's what I must do
If I must crucify the half of me
That tugs its heartstrings
Pricks and tears them from its chest
So be it.

Mount him high onto an oak
Pin him wriggling with iron pins
Through bloody feet and hands
And watch him die.
And his other half can drink the blood
And taste the biting sacrifice,
And feel divine,
Renewed by this offering of honest flesh

I remember in my dreams
(are dreams my memories?)
We were by the sea
Dark and ragged
White and jagged
I leaned against your coat
And felt you in its sleeves
Warm and constant
Between the waves
Amidst the crests
Warm and constant

I woke and knew you
Were not here
Though you were with me
Always
You hold my hand
From such a distance
When will you be near again?

I want to write about love
About
Something foreign to me
Yet I'm some strange expert
In something I touch but never feel

The moon grew long
The days grew short
My every aching breath did thwart
My desperate hopes to hide my pain
So I would soon see you again

Why don't you spit me out of your heart
Already I dwell in the borderlands
And fill my bowl with crumbs
I've coughed up blood for months
Both mine and yours
What's one more day?
One more night
I'm a weary broken sight

Death has wings too
It watched my flutterings from branch to branch
And sought to emulate the beauty there
And bring it down to earth to share

Can you tell me what you know?
I thought your hands would cup my own
Lead my fingers to the spring
Dip them in to let me drink
But where were you?
I waited
The moon grew long
The days grew short

It breaks my heart to be away
Each hour on each hour in a day
Pounds against my head, my head
Sometimes I wish that I were dead
Or at the least, in bed, in bed
I try my hardest every day
To make the most
But I give up
I can't.
I sleep--drugged
I cut
I wish I could cry
I can't.
My emotions, insidious, rot me from the inside
I'm frail, sickly

I can already see ahead of me,
the trails of my dried blood
a wolf against the wind towards the flame with no light
nothing but faith that something will clear the darkness of this night

I can already see ahead of me
rivers of my tears
oases I can drink from in moments of respite
my own anguish keeping me rested

I can already see ahead of me
my tracks in the ground
I can use to keep the scent
a ceaseless lovehound

I can already see ahead of me
my body on the cross
nailed, thirsty, tired, and grim
but there is someone there crying
I must know who
maybe it's him